Time swings by, as a new strand of my hair turns into silver. A constant reminder that my days on this world.. is finite. What was once jet black hair now slowly, one by one turning into white. I’m growing older, something I’ve always felt… No longer do I feel young and invincible. Soon enough, my body will self deteriorate as I age.
This is not all that I fear, I fear the future. Will I ever amount to anything worth while? Will I finally achieve my dreams? It feels like I’m running out of time and soon enough I’ll fade into oblivion, absorbed by earth.
A dance with death, where every step I take, death takes two. Mocking me, reminding me. Whispering in my sleep that we all will die, telling me even death itself will fall in time.
Fairly simple to understand. Push on or Regress. This is our world. This is the bitter truth. Were we to not move on from the sweetness of our past, we will deteriorate. The past shall consumes us. Leaving us cold, bitter and bewitched to the intoxicating aroma of our past.
Leaving everything behind, even though it might seem bleak, will empower us to simply… Move on. We will not be confined to our memories. We will not be confined to our former lives. We can simply, move on.
Backsliding, deteriorating and self destruction is not pretty. Loathing yourself due to your mistakes of way then seems so unnecessary, no matter what the ordeal was. Push on. You’re strong. The fact that you survived everything for so long proves only one thing. You’re strong. You long for the taste of being alive once-more, you long for the day that your smile will simply find its way back to your face. You LONG for the day.. The day you have finally moved on and wished a sweet farewell to the past.
How long has it been? How longer would I endure? As it seems like with each passing day, being apart from you tears the very fibers of my being. I have told myself each night, each dreary midnight where nothingness dwells beside me in bed.. That I no longer feel anything towards you. Words I’ve continuously uttered in solitude. Every time these very same words escape my lips.. It felt like daggers were scarping my throat. Daggers.. Daggers that tore me apart day and night.
They say time heals. And so I believed. I believed that time made me feel better. Time made me forget you. I’ve never been so wrong. Upon seeing your radiant face once more.. Your beautiful smile..Illuminating the hallway. I’ve never been so wrong… Those feelings I’ve bottled up for so long came rushing back. And with it, so did the pain of being without you. So did the pain of not being able to feel you in my arms.. To feel your lips against mine… To not being ABLE TO CALL YOU MINE. Remembrance… if only it were as easy to forget.
So Summer is finally over.. And once again we all continue with the daily grind.
We spend so much of our lives autonomously. Endlessly working, slaving and withering away our youth just to be successful. What is success? Is it a degree in a prestigious field? Is it the amount of digits you have accumulated in your bank account? The same amount of money you have never spent enjoying what you love or even sharing it with your loved ones?
So once again, we’re back to the grind. Working ourselves to the bones and enduring so much for so little gain.. Losing who we love along the way.
Time surely does fly by with each project I’ve done. No matter what happens, I surely do enjoy my past attempts, it has helped me grow as a person and expanded my horizons (I know, It’s cheesy). Either way, welcome to The Lonesome Journal, I will try my HARDEST to actually be more active. I hope you enjoy our adventure as much as we will.